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    May 22

    祝我生日快乐

    感觉自己很对不起这个地方,生活充实的时候就把它抛到脑后,只有生活中出现问题的时候才会想起,自己还有这么一个地方,能说点什么,天马行空不知所云的意识流一点文字。好在,这里还在,虽然我离开了一阵子,这次倾诉了之后也不知道什么时候会再来,但是,这是自己的一个地方,只属于自己的一个地方。
    我的生日。又是生日,一年前是两个人,现在是一个人。突然不想再遮遮掩掩什么,用一些虚无的词汇来代替本身很直接的话语。我知道这个世界已经在认真的向我展示他的现实了,曾经以为自己能做到的,其实只是自己的想法。我还很幼稚。虽然25岁了,但还是那么不切实际的任性的想要去用自己微薄的力量去守护一个人,是守护么?我曾经觉得是,现在不觉得了,那,其实是自私。
    自私的人总要受到自私带来的伤害,只是,我希望你受的伤不要比我重。你是对的,虽然你看不到这里,但我知道,自己需要一个地方来对你说这样一句话:对不起,对不起,我最后还是没能做到我们约定的事情,我尊重你的决定,我不恨你。
    就当一个梦吧,如果真像你说的,你了解我要比我了解你更多的话,那么希望某个夜里在你的梦中,能看到我,梦里我对你说了这些话。我期待这样的事情发生,我会觉得心安。
    我知道这样说显得自己很悲情,我也不想这样,但这些都是心里的想法,总还是需要一个适当的地方表达出来。我希望是这里,因为自己的很多回忆和想法都在这里,我留恋这里,虽然总是不来,但这里一直是我的最后一个房间,只有我知道钥匙在哪。
    生日快乐,我对自己说,蜡烛点了,寂寞亮了。
    温岚的祝我生日快乐,在听。给自己。
     

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